1. it makes more sense as a clear cut divide, a neatly drawn line between the one and the other, like oil and water refusing to merge. but truth refuses to simplify itself to suit our whims - it won't bend or break no matter how hard we hammer at it, no matter how much sweat gathers at our brows while we try to reason with it, (while we plead for mercy.) 2. in mirrors i'm faced with two distinct entities forced to occupy the same tumultous space, mind and body hunched in opposite trenches, forever at the brink of war. but in reality. i am not something that can be cut apart so easily. and i know this. i know this. yet the reflection lingers behind my eyelids as if promising triumphant battle. 3. there is no before and after, no sharp contrast that marks peace from war - nor even a timelapse of shifting moments connecting past to present. instead, it all intertwines into a web of tangled knots that i struggle to locate myself within. i ask myself - when did
the recipe to foresight by EternalSunday, literature
Literature
the recipe to foresight
it takes three voices to weave fate,
but only one to forge a chain
of actions and reactions,
all of their interactions,
melted down
and reduced
to their lasting consequences.
then melded shut and looped together,
laying out a trail,
a trail i'm set to follow,
leading to my jail.
no silken threads,
no breadcrumb trail,
but a prisoner's parade,
marching to the guillotine
in the very chains i made.
i.
i'm sitting in a doctor's office, and he wants to see my past and present
connected by a trail of bread crumbs - the story of my life
as a linear narrative.
but i can't reach back and pull forth an unbroken thread
that justifies my present -
i can't pick it all apart and reassemble it as it was.
yet he demands proof, and i'll give it to him.
i'll give it to him.
for the future, i'll do anything
(it's beyond simple longing, it's beyond hope - it's the only thing
that makes the next breath worth taking).
so i make my truth fit into his notebook,
i cut and paste the moments
until they fit together
and show a picture of my past
th
restless pulse, empty hands by EternalSunday, literature
Literature
restless pulse, empty hands
my fingers drum
an off-beat rhythm
across every unfinished thing
i've left in my wake.
my touch is like the flicker of an eyelid,
too fast to be captured
unless you're watching for it
and i'm never steady enough
to grasp anything
with my clumsy hands
and frantic mind.
(i can't hold on
to anything,
i only reach
and keep reaching).
there's a beating my heart as well,
spreading through my body
until i'm bouncing
in my seat,
breaking skin
as my teeth try
to hold on to my lips.
blood drips down my chin
but the beating still persists,
i'll never go slow enough
for this
i'll never find a rhythm that
lets me exist.
your absence glows
like a lantern
on a winter night,
lighting up a pin-prick,
of a vast and distant sky.
(it's so dark around us,
at first it blinds our eyes,
and i see nothing but
the space
you should occupy).
you belong to symmetry,
to the age-old art
of losing yourself
in patterns so vast
they surpass every doubt
in the universe.
when your truth took shape,
it was a bubbling heat coagulating
into solid coils of steel.
(it sealed up the fear in your skin,
like scabs,
but it's an itch you can't scratch
if you want your new reality
to stay intact.)
you belong to symmetry,
to the endless spirals
of sameness,
of loyalty
and trust -
of never asking
a single question
ever again.
like so many grains of sand by EternalSunday, literature
Literature
like so many grains of sand
i can't recreate that passive longing,
that solemn sea-breeze pain
that seemed to stretch out forever
(it must have grown
since before
i knew you were there).
no matter how much distance i covered
i was always led back here -
i'd known, but forgotten a million times -
that a circular path will never reach
the atmosphere.
you were too far away to slip through my fingers,
i only ever touched air,
and the scent from the breeze i inhaled -
it curled into my chest,
then disappeared.
blue curtains sway softly,
while open windows
breathe traffic fumes
into a stale and dusty room.
(here, time is a paralytic -
eternity is trapped, compressed into
a single, dull moment -
while music plays elsewhere.)
the world has narrowed
into the space between
these thin walls -
your solitude a chokehold
on an unlocked door.
to you, i am a body,
a shape that is
but shouldn't be -
an outlier,
a mystery.
to you, i am a body,
a sum of parts
that shouldn't fit -
a patchwork suit
of oddities.
to you, i am a body,
that's all you see,
and all i'll be -
just scraps of an
identity.
some poems shouldn't be named by EternalSunday, literature
Literature
some poems shouldn't be named
i.
every time i sit down and try to chisel this pain and guilt into something less sharp,
it multiplies instead, poking at my skin from all angles
until i'm ready to burst,
ready to splatter all over the walls into a million, tiny little pieces.
i wish i could make what you did to me as small as one of those fragments,
whittle it down until it means nothing to me,
until the thought of you doesn't leave me with this desperate, seething numbness.
ii.
but the reminders of that moment are glued to the inside of my eyelids -
it only takes blinking and i'm powerless again.
every time i forget to keep my eyes open,
the guilt gains another